What have I learned since 2021?…

1. If your S/O isn’t wanting to talk/connect/spend time with you over time then It needs to be talked about. It’s so important to meet on the same page and work through things together, good or bad. If you don’t wanna be with that person, it’s time to speak up so you both can figure it out. Otherwise, you end up destroying someone emotionally. It happened to me.
2. For the love of God, do not trust a still married man, who claims they are going to get a divorce, talk you into overstepping your own boundaries. People will tell you exactly what you want to hear.
3. Do not trust someone so easily or think you “know” someone just because you knew them a long time ago.
4. When people show you who they are believe them!!!!!!!!
5. Expectations will break your own heart. Over and over and over.
6. Rely on God and hold onto faith.
7. Take time to get to know someone before you give your all to them because you need to see If this person will still be around or make space for you in their life or not.
8. No matter what you try to do/say/think and even If you love this person with your entire existence and heart… it will not matter If they do not feel the same and love you back.
9. Never love someone so much that you end up disrespecting yourself, esp not again and again.
10. Don’t say It won’t happen to you.
11. Don’t judge people’s choices when you don’t see the choices they had.
12. People can change on you instantly and walk away like your life together didn’t happen.
13. Work on yourself and your traumas so that you don’t end up destroying your relationships.
14. That life can really, really, really, really suck.
15. That life gets better, eventually.
16. Some people are impossible to have decent conversations with because they constantly criticize and blame someone else to avoid accountability.
17. There are still good, honest men out there. Even If they come into your life differently than you would ever imagine.

So, the time I posted was 2020.

It’s been almost 4 years …

2021 I became an ex-wife even though that is not what I wanted for our family.

2022 I trusted someone else to start a new life with, became pregnant with twins, lived in his wife’s house for part of 2022, only for him to change his mind, say I’m not his problem, and then I ended up homeless and scrambling by myself with all 5 of my kids, including newborn twins.

I gave birth alone for the first time. So much has impacted me since 2021, so many tears cried.

My church friends in Alabama said they would help me so in November of 2022, with the help of church people in Florida and Alabama, I moved back to the same town in Alabama my ex and I had lived when Katie was little. A lot of memories here.

For the first time in my life I have my own place. My OWN. I lost most of my belongings, things that I can never get back that were from my childhood, and things that my ex and I had bought over our almost 18 years together. Those were left behind because there was not enough room and I was out of time to leave. It still makes me sick… the rest of my stuff was left behind in Florida because again, there wasn’t enough room and a lot of it was ruined.

My life has felt like the Twilight Zone but I’m stronger than ever.

Leaning on God and relying on faith has brought every blessing I have into my life and I’m forever grateful.

Wow, it’s been too long! This whole corona and riot thing is just insane. Katie did digital learning from March 16th till the end and was sent onto 7th grade!

I’m still moving along with braces, woot! 27th made it 4 months with braces. It’s such a dream come true for me. I’m SO SO SO grateful for this opportunity. I had 4 teeth pulled like a little over a month ago and that took a while for the sockets not to be sensitive but I’m all good now. I think my expander is actually doing it’s widening job because the sides of the expander on the right side have created a pretty OUCH sore on the inside of my cheek. Y’ouch.

I really miss blogging because I like to recap the days and come back to them. So much has happened but can always begin again!! With today. I need to blog more because it helps me.. esp since I don’t have mom to talk to anymore.

We’ve been diving into potty training with Ben and so far we can get him to go pee but not the other, yet. I was so stressed when we were trying to potty train Katie 10+ years ago but am glad it’s a totally different experience now. Our Abbie girl is getting so big. She is almost 17 months.. went by too quickly, as it does. She’s getting quite a few teeth in at the same time but does really well and doesn’t fuss too much about it. She had a check up recently and is almost 22 pounds and growing just fine.

It’s closing in on almost a year since my mom passed.. it’s just still so weird. I wish I could pick up the phone and tell her about my day. I know she’s still beside me but always hard when you need that person physically with you.

Our recap for today!!! I stayed up till almost 5AM playing my favorite MMO in the whole entire universe – that I’ve been playing since 2007 – Lord of the Rings Online! I took my vitamins too late as well so I was not tired at all at like 4AM lol but was able to go to sleep. Got the kiddos up, fed, and then had my breakfast and I swear by the time I turn around it’s their lunch time. When we were done then Abbie went down for her nap while we went out into the front yard to get some sunshine for me, Katie and Ben. I had a really good time. I need out in the sun more and am hoping to get a tan. By the time we came back in it was snack time for them and a very late lunch for me then Brad came home from work! He had a 4 day holiday weekend coming up, yay! Once I ate then I fixed Abbie’s dinner so Brad could feed her while I went out to the vitamin shoppe to get some b12 vitamins and a few things from the store. I’ve been officially driving over 4 years now I could not be happier that I got my driver’s license! It is awesome to go out when I want to. I know most adults are like- duh! but I didn’t overcome my fear till late. Came home from the store then it was time for dinners and getting kiddos ready for bed. Speaking of, Katie is about to go to bed too.

I feel like my overall health is heading in the right direction, I hope. If this is your first time reading- I am hypothyroid, have major gut issues, chronic epstein-barr virus, and PCOS! B12 seems like a very big help to me so I’m gonna make sure I get enough. Taking iron over time has made lasting improvements too. It’s been a long road but I’m gonna overcome and be the fit person I wanna be, dang it!

That was my Monday! Finishing up my late snack, gonna feed our bearded dragon (his name is Yoshi and he’s awesome!), and then get ready to have RELAX time! =)
Wishing everyone a great start for Tuesday, let’s go!

P.S. I’M SO HAPPY IT’S SUMMER.

2020 is rocking along so far! Hubby’s birthday is tomorrow, yay! Then mine is Sunday. March is my favorite month for all the same reasons as years past- daylight savings for extra light, mine and hubby’s birthdays, and SPRING AGAIN!!!! So many highlights to post- I just seriously cannot keep up with time so I’m trying to grab onto it.

I miss mom. So much.. it’s so weird. Katie has really been trying me and Brad with so much attitude, adskljfrls;adjf;l. Plus her struggles with her school work and grades at school but I’m giving it all I got and just praying for the best. Ben and Abbie had their birthdays in February!! We have now a 3 year old boy and a 1 year old little girl! Ben DOES NOT want to sleep. Abbie also wakes up and rocks in her crib at night sometimes. We got 1/3 credit cards paid off (as I mentioned before) plus 1/2 cars PAID OFF- so happy about that. Then the biggest news for me.. February 27th I GOT BRACES!!!!! I was able to get my dental work done in January then went to the orthodontist that my dentist recommended and they got 5 stars. They are wonderful! I have to wear braces for 2 years and tomorrow I’m going in to get my palate expander for 6 months to try to fix my crossbite and that’ll be my first task at hand then the braces can do their straightening. The ortho assistant said that it will be like 6 months before I get the rubber bands between my top and bottom teeth since we gotta let the expander do it’s job first. I also have to get 2 teeth pulled in a few months. I LOVE THEM! Of course the first 4 days were off/on painful and I ended up with one of my spacers falling out and a bracket popping off THE FIRST DAY lol. I went in after that weekend and got the spacer replaced and will get the bracket back tomorrow too. I’m so excited for this journey. Let’s hope I won’t be in too much pain with the expander… I’ll find out tomorrow!

I am OBSESSED with Justin Bieber’s new album – lol no shame. It’s really good and I’m a fool for love songs and that’s all it is really!

I bought an awesome collagen supplement to help with my gut and I’m looking forward to seeing how that goes.

Brad took the day off work yesterday (Monday) since his back was bothering him but he got both of our cars inspected, got his oil changed + tires rotated so that’s great. I took a short nap in the afternoon and then later we went to the store to buy a few things and it’s unbelievable how people are overreacting to the corona virus.. with buying up all the soaps and toilet paper lol.

Welp, I gotta go floss, brush, and get ready for bed – onto Tuesday!

I am so grateful for everything we’ve been given at the beginning of this year!

1/3 credit cards… PAID! It feels so good to say that.

Abbie girl will be a year old in less than a month and is done with formula! She had her first sippy of milk yesterday.

Ben has been really good lately – started giving him a little melatonin sometimes at night to help with his sleep routine. Katie is in full pre-teen attitude mode.. ugh. Complete with back talking and eyerolling, followed by loud whaling when I take something away for said-attitude. Raaaaaaah!

Looking into starting my own online health coaching business and can’t wait! I’m gonna give it 1,000% and hopefully be able to finally do what I have always wanted to do, which is to inspire people to lead happier, healthier lives! I LOVE helping people be accountable and being a cheerleader to people’s goals.

My health is FINALLY making a great big stride towards where I wanna be, thanks to figuring out that I need certain nutrients that were depleted/low because If I’ve learned anything it’s that you cannot make something happen in the body If you do not have certain nutrients FIRST. Weight loss does not happen if you do not have the nutrients to support the metabolism, liver, thyroid, etc etc. Esp in my situation from being chronically low in vital nutrients and enzymes.

Next up is setting an appt for my dental work and hopefully working it out to where my aunt can watch the kiddos while getting that done!

Hope you’re having an awesome week so far… you got this!

HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS! I know I’m a few days late post wise on that but yeah! First couple of days of the year have been decent enough, except the 1st day or 2 had plenty of 11 year old attitude with it. UGGGGGGGH. I try so hard to talk to her about attitude and all that but it’s just all not easy, lol.

Today’s highlights!
– I have a really, really bad habit of not going to bed till 2AM every night.. and Abbie woke me up this morning at 5:49AM because she rocks on her hands and knees sometimes. She wasn’t crying, just her crib was making noise with the rocking so I went back to sleep downstairs
– Katie was back to school after winter break! Really hoping her grades go up the last half of the year.
– Got the littles up and gave Ben a bath
– Abbie eventually went down for nap and I tried with Ben but he sat down there in his crib and I guess picking at his lip so much it bled so he FREAKED out and I was about to eat my lunch so when I went down to check on him – he was OUT of his crib! He didn’t get hurt but I knew it was gonna happen at some point. He is such a wild little man. He eventually took a nap and I got one too. I started taking extra vitamin B6 and WOAH it knocked me out at nap time, which was so nice!
– Nothing eventful this evening besides me and hubby sitting down in the living room floor to fold laundry together
– Abbie was sooooo upset close to her bedtime – think her teeth are bothering her so I gave her a little medicine and she was out! Think that’s why she woke up at 5AM this morning too.

Great news! We’re gonna use savings and pay off ALL OUR DEBT, except student loans. Brad got his W2 already but we can’t file till the 15th PLUS Brad gets a work bonus check sometime this month!!! Paying off our debt means my dream is coming true…… I FINALLY CAN GET BRACES!!!!!!!!! But I need to get some other dental work done first then a consult then move forward from there. It’s really a dream come true!

I have a feeling this year is gonna be the best in a long, long time !!!
Hope you had a great Monday!

Happy last day of 2019! Sigh.. I still didn’t keep up with blogging. Still a goal but here’s what I posted on FB about my 2019.

Last day of 2019 and what a year..

January- Started the year finally hanging our pictures on the wall after living here almost a year hah. Also began the year with a big ole baby bump and took my last bump photo.
February- Our Abigael Raine was born Feb 3rd after my water broke at home! So amazing to give birth, even as painful as it is but I have been blessed enough to have all 3 quickly. Back to newborn life! So thankful Teresa Sappington and family were here to help. Celebrated Benjamins 2nd birthday on Feb 28th.
March- Full of trying to find a new routine with the littles and more doc appointments plus mine and hubby’s birthdays! Our washer went out so we bought a new one.
April- We had a minor car accident when we got slightly side swiped. Thankfully everyone was ok and we got our car repaired.
May- Our dear ferret Echo passed away. Katie’s 11th birthday, end of her 5th grade year, and end of elementary school!
June- Brad’s work had their yearly fun free trip and we got to go to Six Flags again!
July- Shot some fireworks and took Katie for her middle school tour and meet the teachers
August- Got my nose pierced and ears gauged to 10g. Katie started middle school.
September- Bought our baby bearded dragon Yoshi! Moms 84th birthday and then 2 days later the hardest part of my life… losing mom. I love and miss you mom.
October-December- Holidays and just hanging out. Celebrated 14 years of marriage with my babe this month. Our Abbie learned within this year to sit up, pull up, got 5ish teeth and is almost ready for first steps. Ben is speaking a bit more clearly and we’re gonna start potty training real soon. I also lost the 40 pounds I gained while pregnant and made some big improvements health wise with my hypothyroidism and fight with low iron but still have a ways to go but I will get there and feel amazing again and I wanna help others do the same!

I got to experience birth and death close to me this year and it has taught me to continually grasp the good and live and breathe with an attitude of gratitude. This life is all we get so make it amazing ❤❤ I owe everything I am and ever shall be to my Heavenly Father. Thankful for my Savior Jesus Christ.

Cheers to 2020, new year, new decade!

On a different note- I wanted to post what I had started to about mom. Cathy had found mom and called me to say she was gone. I wanted to drive down there ASAP to see mom before they took her away for cremation so I called Brad at work and told him and he said he would try to come home. I talked to Cathy again and… they had already taken mom!!! WTF! My heart sank. I didn’t even have time to get down there. Told hubby nevermind. Cathy said there was no reason to come down that day since mom was already taken to the cremation place but she wouldn’t be done till we went to pay the next day. I drove down the next day and went with Cathy to pay for mom’s cremation and I could have seen her then.. but she had already been gone over 24 hours and I wasn’t sure I wanted to see her like that. She was cremated on Friday the 13th. Everything from then for a bit was just weird – because she wasn’t there anymore. My bio mom came down for a visit and to help go through mom’s stuff but let’s say it didn’t turn out like we thought. I ended up with some of mom’s most valuable stuff, like her purse and her lock box papers- which I will always cherish. My aunt and I ended up ordering special necklaces to keep a teeny tiny portion of mom’s ashes in. I still don’t know what to say about it all, except that it sucks and will never be the same.

I look forward to 2020 and hope for lots of positive changes to come my way!

My goodness – our Abbie girl will be 10 months old tomorrow! I was determined to sit down and type bout my day so here we go. I got Katie off to school this morning and it was windy and quite cold.. ugh. I came back to eat breakfast then had to scurry hurry to get the 2 littles ready for Abbie’s 10 month check up appointment. No matter what I do I can never get there early, lol. I thought I would have extra time then Ben needed a diaper change… of course. Then I hit all the red lights… of course. Lol. Abbie is doing great – just about 20 pounds! Our little 20 pound turkey. She can pull herself up on both legs now but gets frustrated when she can’t get down or has one leg forward and the other bent. I brought Abbie in her stroller and just walked holding Ben’s hand and that was fine – till towards the end when Ben wanted to keep messing and touching the trash can. Doc was nice enough to try to keep him away, lol. Think next time I’ll put him in the little stroller and hold her.

Came back home and Brad was home on his lunch break so I put Abbie down for nap and fed Ben lunch then down for his nap too. I was starving but got a few things done, including feeding our bearded dragon then had my lunch and couldn’t wait for my nap. Fed Miss Abbie again, let her play for an hour then back upstairs to play in her crib before my own nap! Brad stayed late at work, about an hour more, because their meeting went over. The rest of the evening was just getting everybody fed and ready for bed – Katie and Ben played in Ben’s room for about an hour and a half.

Overall a good day for a Monday! I still wanna write another post to talk more about mom.

Onto Tuesday!

I could sit here and write for hours about mom’s story. It all really went downhill after she had her stroke in 2015 but then the biggest hit was after the one in 2018 that led to her brain damage. She bounced back SO well, even after that but her body could only hang in there almost a year. My aunt was so amazing at taking care of her and trying to meet her every need. Mom was so blessed to have her there. I just think about when I was helping mom with baths and helping wash her hair after she was bedridden and I think about how it was such an honor but at the same time so heart breaking to see. I would go and visit mom after her last stroke when I could and of course I was still pregnant with our Abbie girl during that time. The last real conversation I had with mom on the phone was September of last year. We were still waiting for our air conditioner to be fixed and had borrowed window units from people from church. It would be the last time I would ever talk with her on the phone. Ever.. talking to her on the phone was my comfort. But the last year I talked to her on the phone she couldn’t talk long because she would get tired. Only SHE understood me in a way that no one ever will. If I needed to vent vent vent or complain then she always took my side (99% of the time) and when you talk to your mom it just makes your day that much better. It’s so weird. It’s so different not being able to. I just feel that hole, that missing piece. So, I would go see her in late 2018 then into earlier this year and the brain damage made it where she would try to speak sentences but most of the time you couldn’t make out what she was trying so hard to say and then the rest of the time she was asleep. She was eating really well for my aunt, which is great but my aunt started to get overwhelmed as the months passed. Eventually mom started to yell or cry and keep my aunt up most of the night. My aunt had a baby monitor hooked up so she could go rest at her own place, which was only 2 doors down. Fast forward to September of this year and mom’s birthday was September 10th, which was a Tuesday. The previous week my aunt had a doctor’s appointment coming up and she had no one to watch mom and was in a desperate need of a break from mom, so she called mom’s nurses and asked to have mom put into one of the facilities for a few days. She kept trying to tell mom over and over that she wasn’t leaving her and she would bring her home for her birthday. Mom did great Wednesday and Thursday (well, she tried to tell the nurses that she felt abandoned but that was just her brain not remembering) but by the time my aunt came to see her that Friday she was frantically grabbing onto my aunt’s arm and acting out of it. My aunt swore that they were probably giving her too many meds that were making her loopy and my aunt was LIVID about that idea. Nurses called over the weekend and told my aunt that mom was going downhill. I decided to come down that Sunday to take my aunt to see her and Katie was with us. It was a beautiful facility. We walked into mom’s room and she was asleep but woke up a little but couldn’t really talk, even though she was trying so hard to say something. I walked up to her and put my hand on hers and she was frantic but I just told her to rest and relax. She tried to say home… I told her that Cathy would be taking her home the day after tomorrow because it was almost her birthday! She eventually relaxed and passed back out. We waited and eventually the nurse came in to talk to us and the nurse mentioned again that mom was going downhill but my aunt just thought again that mom was put on too many meds and she could get her home and back to what she was when she was at home. They wanted to keep her longer than Tuesday but Cathy said no, she promised mom that she would be home on her birthday. The people told Cathy they didn’t think mom would survive the ambulance ride home but Cathy told them she didn’t care – she just wanted mom to be home so I was there with Cathy waiting on the ambulance and they drove past the apartment and had to come back. They eventually got her in and she looked.. about gone. Her hands up to her chest, bent downward and her mouth open with her head back… that’s how you know they are about done. She had been put on a morphine pump but it was only a small dose. The facility had not been giving her meds.. that was just her body failing. I stood by her hospital bed in her home and didn’t know how to feel. I told her I loved her as I got ready to come back home the night of her birthday. The last birthday I would get to be with her. Mom held in there Wednesday. Cathy said she went to check on her at like 2AM that morning and mom was alive but still the same, hadn’t moved at all. She was going to sleep in the chair in mom’s living room but decided to go back home and try to sleep. Cathy called me just after 8AM Thursday and said she came in to check on mom … and she was cold. She was gone.

To be continued.. I’ve upset myself enough for tonight. I still don’t know how to feel without her here. It’s just so strange. I’ll never be ok with it.

Well, well. I show up again, lol. If you know me on social media then you already know what happened in September but if you happen upon this site and know me from my past websites and such then you won’t.

Mom passed away on September 12th… 2 days after her 84th birthday. I have so much to write and I really, really need to make time to start blogging again, esp after this has happened. It really helps me reflect and get motivated. I love staying at home with our kiddos but it’s hard and always has been and it gets lonely. Lonely for adult interaction, lonely to use my positive inspiration somewhere!!!

I wanna sit down and write the story of what happened with mom.

But some highlights for now.. I’ve just been taking care of the babes. Time is just going faster than I ever thought or imagined and I- HATE- IT. I also hate that daylight savings time ended because it’s dark early. EW. Katie started middle school in August and has been doing OK for a new school but her grades have been really up and down but just gotta keep encouraging her. Ben is a wild man and our little Abbie is almost 10 months and has 4 or 5 teeth coming in!!! She pulled herself up on her knees in September and pulled up on both feet just the other day! Ben walked at 10 months so we’ll see what Miss Abbie does. Thanksgiving is next week.. and a new DECADE is coming in.

Lots more to say but it’s time to feed the wild man.