My day has consisted of:
~ A walk outside and It was actually a *little* cooler and cloudy
~ Online work
~ Kettlebell workout
~ More online work
~ 2 year old whinings
~ More online work

Yea… not much excitement around here! I’m eating a yummy dinner consisting of baked porkchop, imitation crab meat and field peas! I didn’t catch Katie in time today and she poo’d in her pull-up. She KNOWS when she does it too because she’ll come to me crying but hopefully I can get her to where she’ll tell me she has to go. That would be great. I’ve got just a little bit more online work to finish then pretty soon It’ll be time to bathe Katie and put her to bed. TONIGHT WE WATCH A NEW EPISODE of Losing It With Jillian Micheals, WOOT. Gonna be busy in the morning trying to get everything done before my docs appointment and I’m guessing their gonna take some bloooood. We’ll see. This concludes my short, boring entry hah!

I really need a new layout for this site!!!! I’ve had some ideas but I just haven’t had the motivation or time to actually sit down and fiddle with it but hopefully I will make that time so I can get something new.

Well, well. Brad DOES want to join the military, for sure. He’s been kindof on the fence about it because he doesn’t want to feel like a “failure” and let down the church but he would be taking care of HIMSELF and his FAMILY. I need him to do this so new opportunities can open up for him… career wise AND so that he can build his self-confidence and become a stronger person for this family. He told me he IS going to join but we’ll see. All this mess has been taking a toll on us. He snapped at me yesterday and It really hurt my feelings. I do EVERYTHING around here and I make 99% of the decisions. I CLEAN everything. I take care of Katie 99% of the time. I want him to step up and be the head of the household AS HE SHOULD BE. Just keep praying……..

I decided since I did the 18 miles on the bike yesterday I would just use walking as my exercise today so I walked like 4 miles? I called Mom to vent my frustrations. Thank goodness for my Mom. I came back home and fixed a snack then my smoothie so I could put in the freezer for later. Got a quick shower while Brad fed Katie a snack then we loaded up for groceries. He’s gone now for church duties and I’m sitting here and Katie is playing with her toys and babbling. Also listening to the rain outside. Some water for our garden and plants!!!

OH, bought some fish oil supplements so hopefully those will help me. I can tell that my hunger is getting better by eating more healthy fats since I’m able to eat and be content so YAY for a little progress. Anyhow… that’s all for today. May God be with you till we meet again!

“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will FEAR NO EVIL: for thou art WITH ME; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.” Psalm 23:4-6

The Gospel has helped me in so many ways. I used to just want to go hide somewhere whenever something was bothering me or just want to not do anything even though I might of had a full day planned out… I would just say forget it but I am so much STRONGER NOW. I fight off these urges to just give up when times get tough or I’m feeling overwhelmed. Good thing I’m stubborn huh? I’m thankful for everything I have come to know about how I can live a righteous life. I KNOW I will be with my family for all eternity If I will keep my covenants I have made with my Heavenly Father. I KNOW I can overcome anything this life throws at me. I KNOW that I AM STRONG. As there is darkness, there is ALWAYS LIGHT.

Today was alright. This morning while Brad mowed the yard, I took Katie in the stroller with me while I walked and the clouds were beautiful and there was a nice breeze again. We loaded up this afternoon and went to Wal-Mart to pick up a few things. Katie has been TERRIBLE WITH POTTY TRAINING TODAY. She fussed, cried and protested every time I tried to get her to go and then she pooped in her pull-up this evening after I had made her sit for a LONG WHILE earlier so guess what? I made her sit on the potty from 7:30PM-8:00PM. She was straining earlier so I put her on the potty and NOTHING even though I had her sit there for like 20 minutes? Raaaaaaaah. Yea, my patience? Being tested to the max but I must hold strong. *DEEP BREATH IN*… *deep breath out*

Ever so strong I WILL HOLD. I WILL, I WILL.

I’m actually pretty content tonight. Had a lot on my mind last night so we got to bed late and then I couldn’t go directly to sleep so I only got around 5 hours of sleep since we had to get up for church early early. This was our day…
~ Went to church
~ Was STARVING when I got home so I quickly put lunch together
~ Talked to my Mom on the phone while sitting on the porch
~ Picked blueberries this evening with Brad

I’m soooo tired and ready for bed! Overall, I must say God is good and want to wish everyone a great evening!

I’ve been researching more and more about my situation of missing period and all the symptoms. Looking back when I was really “losing the weight” my fat intake was like 25g at the most. That was fine when I was really trying to lose the weight but then I KEPT that intake even after I reached my first goal. I think that has a lot to do with what has all happened. Body needs fat to make estrogen to produce the period… so if body fat is too low… there goes the estrogen, there goes the period. SO! I’m gonna HAVE to try to up my fat so I’m gonna try to eat more healthy fats like peanut butter, milk and nuts.

Today was CLEANING DAY! Got the usual cleaning done plus I made the bed, cleaned the turtles tank, hung up Brad’s artwork on the living room wall and a few other things so I’m definetly getting a little more motivation.. atleast for today. Grrrrr. When I got Katie up this morning I noticed wood SHAVINGS on the floor. See, I had tacked one of her blankets to the top part of her crib because she used to chew on that top part. WELL, she’s been GNAWING on the lower part of one OF THE BARS. Sigh…. SO I took a blanket and tacked it from the top rail to the bottom. Let’s see If she attempts to gnaw on any others. I swear….

I need a vacation. Preferably on a nice beach. Actually, If I had a genie I’d wish that he could transport my Mom and all her belongings to this town so she could live here and be my full time babysitter. Wishful thinking…. sigh.

I actually feel really good tonight! I think it has to do with how I structured my eating today. I made sure to incorperate more carbs into my breakfast, snack and lunch. Seems I haven’t had “cravings” today like I’ve had lately. EXCELLENT! Plus like I mentioned.. I just have an overall “good” feeling and I haven’t felt that in a while so here’s to hoping to better progress in the GOOD department for my hormones. My ob/gyn nurse called me back today and I’ve got an appointment this coming Thursday to hopefully see what exactly is going on with my body and to see what can be done to help bring me back to some sort of normal… PLEASE?!!!!!!! I also think that’s why my hair is SO, SO, SO DEAD at the moment. It’s pathetic… I haven’t been attempting to style it because It literally feels like straw.

When I got up this morning, there was random bouts of thunder rumbling outside and It’s been doing that throughout the day but no rain so far??? We’ve got chances of thunderstorms and even under a flood advisory but nothing thus far. I heard the thunder this morning and was reallllllly hoping It would hold off until after my walk. It did, wooo!!! I guess the good thing about my walks is that I have plenty of time to think about life. Same deal as yesterday… came home, let Katie play outside while I read on the porch then we came back inside and she played until It was her lunch and nap time. Being my last workout day of the week, I wanted to do another Wii Active workout so I did a custom workout I had created that lasted I think 35 minutes? It got me nice and sweaty!!! This evening I’ve folded laundry, put more laundry into the washer and dryer, played ball with Katie and listened to some music.

The rest of the evening? Potty and bed time for Katie then waiting for Brad to come home and then…? Not sure! Our neighbor is dropping by at some point and then I might do some more reading. Okiiiie, I’m off!

“Sometimes we don’t really notice just how good It can get” I love that song! I’m thankful for my life. Thankful for my Heavenly Father! Thankful for The Gospel and everything I have come to know about living as righteously as I need to and should be. We all deserve the best life possible and I can testify The Gospel can help us ALL reach that LIGHT and that happiness. It’s there. It’s definetly there but we must reach for it!

YES YES YES. I ran on the treadmill today and got a mile in a little over 14 minutes!!! I’m getting better and better at it, WOOTS. REWIND to the beginning of the day. Usual yadda yadda. Katie and I set out on our walk and It was another beautiful day with more puffy clouds and a good breeze. Came back to our yard to let Katie roam around and play for 30 minutes while I SPRAYED MYSELF WITH PLENTY OF BUG SPRAY then proceeded to pick a whole water tin full of fresh blueberries. YUMMY. Eventually It was her nap time and my TREADMILL TIME. It feels great running without stopping even though I do get overwhelmed RIGHT at the end with about 0.3 miles to go but I KEEP GOING and then when I finished today… I felt so great. I was SWEATING loads too – even better! The rest of the day was shower, lunch, a good nap and just randomness. I finished dinner not long ago and am about to get Katie ready for potty, bath and then her bed time! I called my OB yesterday to see what I can do about my missing period. I think my estrogen levels are bottomed out and I WANT MY SEX DRIVE BACK…. *whines* so I’m hoping they can figure out what to do for me IF that’s the problem.

What else? I want to go swimming!!!!!!! We haven’t been this summer yet and I am really wanting to. Anyhow, gonna get Katie all set then eat my dessert and wait for Brad to get home! Apparently he hasn’t had a good day at work… which I hate to hear but we all have those days. Hopefully he can cheer up after he gets home… I hope I hope! That’s all I got – see ya!

OF MEATBALLS! Heh. Brad and I watched the movie on Netflix last night. Really took me back to my childhood of when I read the book. Loved the movie!!! We’ve still gotta watch our Netflix movie that came in the mail… It’s Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs so I’m excited to watch that when we get a chance.

Ya know, even though It was around 90 degrees this morning when I left to go walking with Katie in the stroller, It was REALLY pretty outside and didn’t even feel that hot because there was a nice breeze to go along with all the fluffy, beautiful clouds. Ahhh, love the outdoors. When we arrived back in the front yard, I let Katie play for a little bit. She collected a few sticks and a rock then set on the porch step and played. Brought her inside and eventually fed her then of course nap time! I did a ~15 minute workout with the resistance bands and the DVD that came with it. Haven’t used that DVD in a long while! The rest of the day hasn’t been that eventful except for online work and the usual random toddler babbling and whinings. OH, speaking of Katie. This morning I put her on the potty… crying and nothing. Fed her and put her back on the potty…. crying and nothing. I pulled up her pull-up and let her go play. Not even 5 MINUTES LATER… she’s straining. I take her to the potty and she’s already crying. I tell her she’s going to sit on the potty until she goes. Thankfully, she went! That’s the only success I’ve had today with her and potty training. The other times she just whines but yea – gotta be patient.

I read a few chapters in The Book of Mormon this morning while Katie was playing outside. I love it and I know those words are true from what I feel in my heart. I know that Jesus Christ gave up his life then gave us The Atonement so that we could be forgiven of our sins If we will just repent. May we all search our hearts to know the truth of all things and to find our true inner happiness! May God be with you till we meet again!

I’m sitting here eating a very delicious dinner which consists of: grilled chicken sandwich, sweet potato fries and a side of baked beans… DROOL. Also, a small glass of almond milk to wash it all down.
I CAN PROVE IT! SEE….

Brad stayed up a bit later last night watching stuff on Netflix so he slept in this morning later than usual. I went to nudge him out of bed a bit later after I had fed Katie and fixed my breakfast. Brad had something planned for church this evening so we knew we had to get grocery shopping in earlier than usual. I went ahead and got my treadmill run out of the way this morning. ANOTHER MILE STRAIGHT, WOOTS. Brad said It was too hot for him to go walking… hahahah. I left outside to go walking and talked to my Mom on the phone for a little over an hour!!! There was actually a slight breeze and I loved it. Once back inside, I fixed a snack to re-fuel then prepared my smoothie to go in the FREEZER! Brad fed Katie a snack while I got a quick shower then put her on the potty. She has done WONDERFULLY today with the potty! Every time (so far) that I’ve put her on the potty, she’s went!!! I’ve put her on there atleast 4 or 5 times so she is definetly catching on. The 2nd time I put her on there this morning, her pull-up wasn’t wet!!! YAY! We got ready then headed off for the usual groceries. Usually Katie gets fussy while we shop but she did fine except for the end where she hit her own head on the buggy… hah. After we got to the car to load groceries, Brad had forgot a few of his items so Katie and I waited in the car and YEA, talk bout HOT HOT HOT. Katie went down for her nap after I got her home and gave her some milk then potty. I had my late lunch and have just been relaxing since which is NICE – espically since I’ve been running around all day. Katie’s being so good this evening!!! She’s off in the dining room playing with her toys not making hardly a sound. I’ve gotta bathe her soon and then get her ready for bed. It’s been an overall good day… thank goodness.

Thankful for my life and family!!!

Of course by yesterdays post you could probably guess I did not have a good day! It started because Katie would throw a FIT and scream her head off when I put her on the potty JUST BECAUSE BRAD WAS HOME. Of course he’s usually not home while shes up because hes at work. It was right after she first got up after her afternoon nap so I thought OK I’ll give her this one chance and go feed her then try again. Fed her. Tried again. MORE FIT. MORE SCREAMING. JUST BECAUSE. GRRRR. She wanted Brad’s attention so I got Brad to come sit by her and she was quiet for 2 seconds then MORE SCREAMING. I told Brad I was DONE with POTTY TRAINING FOR THE DAY. I was so flippin mad and frustrated… she was doing that just in SPITE. I took off. OUTSIDE!!! Went to an area behind the barn for over an hour to just be alone with nature. Alone with the sounds of birds and frogs. I came back inside and didn’t say a word but cooked dinner then fixed Katie’s dinner and told Brad to feed her BECAUSE I DIDN’T WANT TO at that point. So he did and then a bit later she would not stop whining so Brad took her to bed… shew. It’s just becoming too much for me lately. I’m alone with a 2 year old all day and I have NO OTHER INTERACTION besides Brad calling for a few minutes on his work breaks or calls to my Mom a few times a week but I see no one except Katie. When you spend THAT MUCH TIME with ANYTHING – no matter it be animal, baby, person – WHATEVER, then you start to have contention. Brad talked to his Mom online about it and she decided to come over to talk about it and Brad’s Mom and 3 younger sisters wound up spending the night. It was nice to have company!

Today has been a LOT better! Brad had errands to run this morning so he didn’t get to go walking so by the time he got back from errands, Katie and I were about to go walking but I left Katie at home with him since he didn’t want to go so I got to walk by myself and just clear my mind. I also called my Mom!!! When I got back, I picked a whole bunch of fresh blueberries since my stock in the freezer was gone. Did a workout on the Wii Active (More Workouts) then had a shower plus lunch! We went to Wal-Mart this evening to pick up a few things and we just finished dinner not too long ago. We’re gonna study our church lesson then maybe a movie? If it’s not too late. I know things will work out and settle down – such is the flow of life! Even through everything life throws at me, I’m still ever so thankful for it all. Thankful to my Heavenly Father and I will take all of this and GROW from it!