Life can be so hard and harsh at times, don’t you think? I got a text this morning from my Aunt saying that my Mom had passed out during a stress test and was in the hospital. She said she would keep me updated and was going to visit Mom this evening so I’m trying to wait patiently to hear from her. I’m so concerned for my Mom because not long ago she told me that her blood pressure has been EXTREMELY high… like stroke/heart attack high and that she has had to take double the dose of her blood pressure pill because she would get such a bad headache. This REALLY scares me because she already has so many health problems on top of all this. Please pray for her. I’ve been crying all evening because I can’t be there with her and the thought of losing her is such a heavy thought for me. I love her so much and she raised me, her granddaughter, as her own and I am so thankful to have her and to think of not being able to talk to her when I need someone to call when I want to vent or just to hear her voice. I didn’t take a nap this afternoon since I’ve had my Mom on my mind and I’m getting really tired now.

I wanted to talk about all the trials I’ve been through lately since The Gospel has taught me so much about facing adversity, trials, sickness, struggles — whatever It may be.
house issues. ok so this house was a blessing for us price wise but i just don’t feel like it’s home or that we belong here! i guess it also has to do with the fact that since we’ve been here everything in our life has slowly fallen apart. the floors are unbalanced since it’s not on a firm foundation.. it’s a very old house. next we have our “buddies”… there’s the pantry bugs. the big rat. the little grey mouse. lots of ANTS. let’s not forget the WASPS. i don’t want to have to constantly fight these pests! i’m hoping we can find something in the near future. VERY near future.
car issues. it all started when we decided to trade in our truck. BAD IDEA. our truck was a) paid for and b) working! so why ruin that right?!?! well, we wanted something better on gas. enter the car trade catastrophe. we found the decked, pimped out maxima that i fell in love with but it was “too” decked out and had many problems. traded it in for the blazer. blazer was GREAT until it started overheating. perfect! went to trade in the blazer and get money back and was RIPPED OFF. bought our current car from a guy from church but we were made aware that it most of the time wouldn’t go into reverse so we knew the transmission was on the “brink” but we took it because we were desperate since we were carless! well guess what. not even a week after we get it, the transmission goes completely out! we’ve had to get rides to everywhere of course and that’s not always easy and we don’t like always asking for help. we took out a loan and “should” be getting our almost-new transmission in about a week. yea… we should of kept the truck. i really miss it actually.
hormonal issues. i cannot believe after all my hard work in 2009 to lose weight that i’ve come to this but i messed myself up when i didn’t eat enough, exercised too much and didn’t get the right nutrients. i’ve completely worn my body out. i’ve gained around 15 pounds, which really puts a needle to my heart but it’s ok! i just want to be able to feel truly “full”, have my energy back to full speed and get back on track so THEN i can start to lose weight again. i’ve got to let my body heal so i’ve been doing good EXCEPT i still haven’t been eating enough for my body to heal and restore. i think that’s why ive been feeling so badly so here’s the plan.
– take multi-vitamin daily
– take birth control daily
– eat CLEAN
– exercise very limited
– eat 1900-2000 calories NO LESS.
– drink plenty of water
– get plenty of rest
– try to remain as stress free as possible

I’m a VERY consistent person so I know If I just KEEP doing these things then I will start to feel great as and probably sooner than I think! My problem has been that my mind has still been on WEIGHT LOSS when right now my body is saying NO NO NO.. and holding onto all that extra because I haven’t been getting all that I need whether it be in calories or nutrients but It’s time to change that once and for all. I’m so ready for this really bad “phase” to be over with. The last 4-5 months have been pretty much some of the toughest times I’ve ever been through and I am MORE THAN ready to be truly happy and uplifted again. It seems like I would get one part of the “healthy” formula right but still wouldn’t get the rest right. For example: I would eat enough fats but not enough calories in general or I would eat enough carbs but still exercise more than my energy allowed but I am GOING to get it right this time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m just wondering how long it’ll take my body to get back on track to where I can feel myself again? I guess we’ll see.

I believe in myself and I believe in Heavenly Father. I know I can face each issue, trial and struggle with faith and confidence that everything will be OK! I’ve got some serious thinking to do about life and I think we all need to really think about our life and how we can be happy! We all deserve it and we all deserve to be healthy too! Take that step towards a healthier life… I know I am!!!