I love this song. Daughtry’s “What About Now”
the sun is breaking in your eyes to start a new day… this broken heart can still survive with a touch of your grace. shadows fade into the light… I am by your side where love will find you! what about now? what about today? what if you’re making me all that I was meant to be? what if our love had never went away, what if it’s lost behind words we could never find… baby before it’s too late, what about now? now that we’re here? now that we’ve come this far… JUST HOLD ON! there is nothing to fear! for I am right beside you for ALL my life.. I am yours Love!!!!!

WOOPSIE. I meant to blog yesterday but we didn’t get home and settled before midnight soooo yea. Yesterday was INTERESTING to say the least. I called one of my church friends to see If she could take me to the Doc but she was waiting on a delivery so I had to call another friend and she was available. Away we went to the Doc! My friend and Katie went to Wal-Mart while I went to the appointment. I signed my name and waited. They called me to pay for the co-pay and IT WOULDN’T TAKE MY CARD! I’m like wtf!!! She tried several times and asked If I had anything else (check, cash) and I said no. She said I could reschedule and I asked If I got my friend to cover the co-pay If I could be seen today and she said, “Yes, If you hurry since we close at noon today and we don’t see patients after 11:15” and It was 11:15AM and I told them It would just be a minute since my friend was right down the road. I got a hold of my friend and she said she’d cover it but was going to finish up at Wal-Mart first then come. I waited and waited. Was getting more NERVOUS and anxious sitting there… I just wanted it to be over. Time went by. 11:15… 11:20… 11:30 and then around 11:35 or so the front lady said that I would have to reschedule. I told her I was just getting blood results!!! She basically said nope. They rescheduled me for the next day (today) at 11:00AM. I was SO UPSET. I grabbed my wallet/cellphone, went outside in the cold and cried. My friend showed up a few minutes later and I told her the story and she’s like…. WHAAA? She went back in there with me and said basically the same thing I just said and they told her nope. We left. GRRRRRRR. Oh and my debit card didn’t work cause Brad’s check hadn’t hit the bank yet.. great! Didn’t find that out until yesterday afternoon. Ah well. Did I mention how badly I’m ready to leave this town?? I came home and did the usual. Brad came and picked Katie and I up around 5:30PM since his “team” at work was having a get together and eating at one of the mexican restaurants in town. I’ll admit… I was nervous. New people… mexican food and not knowing what I was going to choose to eat since most of that is really not the best for ya BUT it all turned out alright. People were nice and I ordered a plain bean burrito. After the dinner, we went with Brad’s coach and his wife to a nearby town’s Wal-Mart so they could pick up a Christmas present and they wanted to help us buy Christmas for Katie… I was so touched. I couldn’t thank them enough to help us be allowed to buy a few things for Katie! We rode back to their house where our car was and they invited us in so we came in and talked for about 20 minutes then had to go since It was after 11:30PM.

TODAY I got my other church friend (the one who had a delivery the previous day) to take me to this Doc appointment. THANKFULLY card worked as It should when I went to pay my co-pay. Went back, nurse came in to take my vitals then I waited for the Doc. Same lady. Same situation. Basically my bloodwork came back “perfectly fine” except for my platelet levels which are a little low and my ALT liver enzyme is a little elevated but It’s been like that for over a year I think. SO GUESS WHAT SHE SAID. Can ya take a big ole guess? YOU’RE DEPRESSED, YOU NEED TO TAKE ANTI-DEPRESSANTS. She kept saying how she really recommended I give them a try. I just kept saying, “Ok” because I just wanted out of there. I did get a copy of my bloodwork and they set up an appointment for me to re-check my liver enzymes in 3 months but WHAT THE HELL. That’s all they’ve EVER DONE for those enzymes is keep checking them instead of seeing WHY. I went to a gastro Doc last year for it and he said “Oh…. hm… um… might be fatty liver?” That’s basically what we got out of him.. *EYE ROLL* I mean come on people! It’s like they don’t know how to fix my problem so It’s either a) they say It “MIGHT” be this/that or b) let’s suggest anti-depressants!

That’s not how I roll! Nope. I was hoping they would do this so I can be done with them. I have another Doc helping me and now I can focus on getting help from this Doc and I feel hopeful as far as that goes because my family Doc sure has been disappointing in helping me with this but that’s the usual protocol when they don’t know what else to do. TAKE SOME PILLS but I honestly know that’s not the solution for me.

Oh, Brad and I both wound up with sore throats yesterday… I had this same thing about a month ago and then I bought that vitamin C and was taking it 3 times a day and that really seemed to get rid of that “sickness” that was trying to invade but then I ran out of vitamin C almost a week ago and voila… sore throat is back along with a little weakness and just overall blah feeling but then again I ALREADY feel pretty blah everyday to begin with… so yeah, fun to be had by all of us! Except not really, hah. In fact, Brad felt so bad last night that he got up 3-4 times since he was so stopped up and felt sick. Of course now I’m a light sleeper (which SUCKS) so every time he’d get up, I’d wake up but luckily could go right back to sleep. Sigh…

What a rollercoaster this year has been. Christmas is in a week?! I’m ready for it to be OVER, honestly. Ready for the NEW YEAR. 2011 we WILL move and make a new, better, more comfortable, happier life for our family. I PRAY I will reclaim my health and be back to my good ole healthy, happy, energetic and motivated self. I pray sometime next year I’ll be able to start losing this weight I’ve gained.

PRAY PRAY PRAY. We’re probably not going to church in the morning since Brad and I feel like poo and plus Katie has been Missy Runnynose so yea, don’t wanna get anyone else sick. I bought a pre-made pie crust and tonight, I fixed up my easy peasy pumpkin pie so we’ll have a slice for dessert! I gotta give Katie a bath and put her to bed then wait for Brad to come home. I imagine we’ll hang out, eat and…….. WATCH DEXTER! All our usual shows are now on break, boo! Tomorrow is gonna be a major LAID BACK day I do think so indeed.

Alright. I’m off but have a great rest of the weekend – enjoy! God loves you. The Gospel can and does change lives If we live up to it! I try every day but I am only human and I know I must try to put all my worries in HIS hands and try to follow his counsel so I can lead a happy life. My mind has been clouded since all these symptoms have affected my life in every way but I’m really trying to hang in there. Faith and hope…