First off, let me just say that my hubby is the best! :] Secondly, I didn’t do well with calories today. Out of control again. It’s okay though. I’m gonna keep trying this health stuff until I get it right. I wasn’t as tired today, thank goodness…. but after my lemon water & immune supplements this morning, my throat felt – funny? I’m pretty sure it was the immune pills, so I’m gonna not take any tomorrow and then take the other immune pills starting Thursday. I might be Th1 dominant, as far as my immune system.

I let Katie play in her room this morning, since she was driving me crazy. She ate lunch, went down for nap, and I was extremely upset again about my health/food/calories stuff… couldn’t stop crying. I thought about just getting a quick bath and just laying down right away, but changed my mind and watched a rerun of One Tree Hill and it was sad, so I cried more! Read my college material this afternoon & we just chilled out this evening. Katie wasn’t a good girl at bath time tonight with Brad, so she is currently throwing a fit because Brad won’t let her have a book.

We’re about to watch the latest Fringe… and just be together <3 I love him lots. Thank goodness I have him through all this mess and that we got through our relationship struggles. I know as I get my health sorted, our relationship will only be STRONGER and better than ever. He is still my hero. :] My lovie.

I’m going to keep positive and move forward each day. I’m thankful and grateful. I’m struggling, but alive and that is a lot to be thankful about.

Eeesh…. I have been tired (like nodding off almost tired) all day, up until this evening when I finally seemed a bit more alert. I tried to start reading my college chapter this morning, but literally kept nodding off, so I just stopped. I just wanted to sleeeeeeeeeeep. I usually get up, fix my warm lemon water, drink on that, and then eat breakfast around 9:30AM. I’ve realized since I’ve went lower calorie though that I cannot hold off eating that long. I get up at 6AM. This morning I went ahead and ate breakfast a little after 8AM and actually had to use the bathroom after I was done eating, so that seems to work better. With my hypo/hashi symptoms, I FREEZE drinking 3L of water a day, so today I only drank ~2L and that seemed to do better for me, & just stop when I start feeling really cold. I ate lunch with Katie, put her down for nap, then went to get a bath (and almost nodded off there, too) & afterwards, WENT TO TAKE A NAP! Katie got up, had snack, then watched cartoons, while I went into the bedroom to finally read my college chapter. I got done and started on my 1st discussion, and I’m almost done! WOOT. Brad went to store after work, and bought Katie a mini etch-a-sketch. She really likes it! I would have bought her one last Friday, but the one I found was open and I didn’t see any more at the time.

I don’t know about calorie counting with this hypo/hashi crapola. I’m not sure where my calories should even be. I ate 1500 calories today, but felt hungry tonight so I’m prob more closer to ~1800. I dunno. I thought losing weight in 2009 was “complicated” haaaaaaa! Trying to figure out how to lose weight with this mess is beyond ridiculous. My body doesn’t “like” certain foods anymore… like for instance today. I had 1 tablespoon peanut butter with my lunch. It made my gum pain come back! No more peanut butter.

The two ways I have found to lose weight with the health mess up is either: a) go on a juice fast. or b) eat a few bananas for a meal, then rice/veggies in a bowl for dinner. Ah well, I’m working on getting my immune system back on track, then my thyroid will be able to heal and then I’ll be back to the usual eat-clean, lose-weight routine instead of this confusing mess. Atleast I hope I will get back to that.

Getting tired again. Make it go away?…

Been feeling pretty drowsy/fuzzy/dazy since last night… not sure if it’s the sickness or the supplements, or both. Thankfully, I feel pretty calm otherwise! Well, besides the usual daily annoyance from Katie. Took my first day’s worth of the “immune challenge” supplements and did okay. Three more days for this supplement, then I’ll have 4 days of the other… then I’ll compare and contrast how I felt on them and go from there. If one or the other starts to make me feel bad at some point, of course I stop, and then try the other – or if the other gives me bad symptoms then I just stop that too, then I know to take the opposite of the one that makes me feel bad. Anyway, it was a lazy Sunday.

I turned in my mini college paper, took a nap, a hot bath, listened to music, tumblr, tumblr, tumblr.. and then we just got done not long ago watching the latest One Tree Hill! <3 Love that show. Still gotta watch the latest Fringe, so we’ll prob do that tomorrow.

SOOOOOO, another week. Sometimes I wonder why I should even blog anymore? I don’t have anything interesting to say, really. Then again – I do love my blog, it just feels empty right now. I gotta change my life again. I know I should be doing so much more than what I am. It’s just complicated right now.

Atleast I feel cozy/warm right now…. and getting sleepy. It’s supposed to be in the 60-70 range temp wise this week! Will try to make an attempt to get outside. I started to fiddle with a layout for this site earlier today, but then just said neeeeh. Thinking about working on it now…. or maybe just tumblr.

Currently about to finish watching MR. POPPER’S PENGUINS! Hah. I love Jim Carrey AND PENGUINS!

My Saturday >>
# cleaned house.. including the FRIDGE!! i got done with cleaning early, woot woot
# tumblr, tumblr, tumblr <3
# delicious foods
# not sure if i can take the new fiber powder :/
# GOT THE SUPPLEMENTS IN THE MAIL FROM MY HOLISTIC DOC! I’m gonna start them tomorrow, so I can be on my way to figuring out how to fix my immune system!!!
# we went out to ride our bikes together, including Katie! it went awesome, except it really flared up my hypothyroid/hashimoto’s symptoms and my neck felt so tense, but after my snack & dinner, i feel quite relaxed now

I tried my new chicken tonight, with onions, spinach, and a little mushroom. It was good! I’m so thankful, grateful, and blessed for everything I have. Life is going by so fast, and I’m having trouble keeping up! I just gotta work on being a better person one step, one day at a time. I know Heavenly Father will guide me. I trust in Him. I believe in myself. I’m holding onto hope.

HAPPY FRIDAY !!!!!!!!!

This morning into afternoon: college work, some light exercise, cereal/fruit for lunch, and a great One Tree Hill rerun :]

After Brad came home, Katie went to Mom’s and we went to Whole Foods! I got some gluten-free cereal that I’ve never tried, plus chobani yogurt, and Udi’s multigrain gluten-free bread [which is DELISH] !!! Went ahead and bought more adrenal assist supplements, since I DID feel a diff the last time I took them, and some fibersmart powder that has probiotics, FOS, and l-glutamine in it… excited to try that & see how it does with my colon. We went to Wal-Mart & ate at the Subway inside, like we used to every Friday evening. It was awesome. Went shopping & I got salmon burgers, grilled chicken strips, tuna, and eggs for protein! Lots of variety. Plenty of veggies, spinach, naners, veggie SOUP! Also, Brad bought us some tongue cleaner brushes! Apparently, it does a great job of really getting the icky off your tongue… pretty neat. I had fun laughing and goofing off with him while we were out <3 deffo starting to feel like me again! Excited. TOTALLY EXCITED. And my extra weight that I put on the last week or so is coming off, like I knew it would… cause I know it was/is mostly water weight and just from eating too much.

I’m finally heading in the right direction. I have faith.. I know I will overcome this! :] Oh, and I picked out a toy dinosaur for Katie (she’s really loving The Land Before Time movies & dino’s) and she already LOVES it. Got her a little toy microphone, too but she hasn’t seen that yet, since she had to go to bed when we got home.

Better post this before midnight! We might go bike riding tomorrow <333

Still stopped up with sinus junk, ugh. I am so happy with how I did with my food today, woot!

breakfast- eggs, green peas, onions and a protein shake
lunch- tuna, 1/2c brown rice, green beans & it was good!
snack- naners
dinner- bowl of gluten-free cereal, choco almond milk, and blueberries

I’ve had cereal for dinner the last 2 nights, lol. So good. And I drank 3 liters of water! Gonna stick with 1500 cals for now, especially since I’m not really doing any exercise. Again, my main goal is to get my portions right and hopefully lose weight as I heal my body and immune system. I walked on the treadmill, then did about 10 minutes on the exercise bike. Atleast I’m doing a little something!

Katie has been on my last NERVES alllllll daaaaaay toooooooday. Really need to see about putting her into a pre-k or something, she seriously needs the interaction with others and I’m honestly no good with entertaining her. I worked on my college paper today, about the French, American, and Latin American Revolutions. Almost done with it!!!

Welllllllll, that’s about it for tonight. We watched ONE TREE HILL last night, and FRINGE the night before, they were both so good. Thinking about watching the latest Biggest Loser… hmm… or working on my tumblr or this site. Decisions, decisions! This week went by fast.

It was another beautiful day outside.

I don’t have much to say…… don’t want to bore you with the same ole. College work, took a shower, fiddled online, and we went to the store this evening. I have been going back and forth on what to do about my food menu and intake. I don’t know what is best for my body anymore. I have all these potential concepts in my head, but I don’t know which one would work best?! I got a few food items at the store, and am going to count calories again. I wanted to do a juice fast, but I don’t want to be that strict with myself. See? I keep changing my mind.

Here’s what I plan to “try” to eat. I’m looking for something that’s gonna agree with my messed up body and help me lose some weight. I KNOW I can lose weight, because I lost it with the juice fast, and even when I was just eating fruit/rice/veggies. Foods: fruits, veggies, gluten free cereal, dark chocolate almond milk, eggs, tuna, protein powder for shakes. That’s all I got so far. HAVE to keep my portions under control if I want to even think about getting somewhere with my weight and health.

Anyway… I’m kindof just generally irritated tonight. Might watch last week’s One Tree Hill! Goodnight.

Yea, so, I got pretty upset last night about my whole health situation. I want to thank all my online friends who showed me support! Means a lot. SOMETHING that I’m taking vitamin/herbal wise is working, I feel more at peace and feel like I’m going in the right direction. IN FACT, I ordered the immune system supplements from my online holistic Doctor today. Once I get those, I can take different supplements to determine where to go from there! Well, Brad and I stayed up until 2AM, lol. Of course got up at 6AM this morning. Only time i’ve felt sleepy today was when I was reading, but I usually get bored/sleepy with reading anyway.

I’m gonna go for the juice “cleanse” AND I MEAN IT THIS TIME. Maybe not a 100% juice, if I get too bad off/hungry/etc, then I could have some fruits, or if I’m craving something warm, maybe warm almond milk, or canned veggies. I know the vitamins/herbs I’m taking will benefit me MUCH MUCH MORE if my intestines weren’t packed with so much food. I know that for a FACT. The juice will help my sinus infection go away, clean out my digestive tract, help the inflammation pain in my knee, and so I need to do it.

It was sooooo pretty outside today. I wasted my morning on my Tumblr layout, lol. It was so much fun, and I just… couldn’t… pull myself away! I fed Katie lunch, put her down for nap, then straight away started to work on my college discussion, then went into reading a chapter for this week’s assignments. Katie got back up, ate, watched cartoons, while I finished reading. Brad came home, we ate dinner, watched some dumb people on YouTube, then watched FRINGE! Finally caught up before the new episode. Haha… Brad used the new Spongebob bubble bath for Katie tonight and it’s the first time she’s ever had lots of bubbles in the bath. SHE FREAKED OUT.. literally screamed in horror when Brad tried to put a bubble beard on her. We think she related it to when we lived in AL & it snowed, we all went outside and Katie was roaming around in her bundled up outfit in the cold, cold, snow and apparently that is what she relates it to because she was calling the bubbles “snowman” and saying “COLD! COLD!” so yeah. She did not enjoy them one bit, so Brad had to wash them down the drain. Ah well, just keep trying to tell her that it’s okay, nothing to be scared of, and keep trying to introduce them to her.

So glad that I can tell a diff with the stuff I’ve been taking. YAY VITAMINS AND HERBS! They are miracle healers. I’m much more tolerant of 3 1/2 year old behavior, my interests are “waking up” again, i don’t feel as tense, and just yay!

Venting and crying hysterically to Brad, plus many other times crying alone yesterday seemed to lift weight off my shoulder as well. My emotions are starting to “stir” again too! For a long time, even tho I wanted to “feel” emotional, I just felt blank. No crying over something sappy or emotional, unless it was something that hit me just right. I love a good cry, actually. When I changed my life, I would actually spend time alone, letting out my emotions in a happy-thankful way… that really helped me change in an AWESOME WAY. I intend to get back to that.

I am thankful, even through all of this. I know I will CONQUER all of this and get back to the happy, lean person I DESERVE TO BEEEEEE! :]

Don’t even feel like taking my Dailybooth picture tonight. I’m so angry at myself for getting myself in this health mess. I’m not even me anymore. I WANT OUT OF THIS HEALTH MESS, BUT I KEEP MAKING IT WORSE. Like today for instance. I ate too much, I ate stuff I knew would make me feel bad, etcetc. WHY?!!!! Who am I? What the hell happened to me. I don’t want this anymore. I need to get the courage to go on a juice fast again. This mess is confusing. I wish I was just having a bad day, a bad week, and would wake up tomorrow with better health. When will this hell end?!

I know my immune system needs to be balanced in able for me to get better. Waiting for hear back from the online holistic Doc I’ve had contact with. I seriously don’t recognize my life anymore, wtf.

Blah blah. Sorry to the complaining… it’s just I have been stuck in this loop of hell for far too long. I keep grasping for answers, for solutions, keep trying to hold on to hope, to faith, to SOMETHING GOOD and I always wind up back in the same anger, the same pain of the body, the same fatigue, the same mess. Is this real? Am I really living this nightmare?

Questions fill my head. Atleast I’m getting back into music and singing along to songs. Totally hooked on Tumblr too. That helps with inspiration and hope for me while dealing with this very, very difficult time in my life. The hardest, longest struggle I have ever faced that just doesn’t seem to end.

The best version of me is waiting inside. I still have a strong mind, but everything is against me right now. I can’t seem to control my food portions, and I know too much food on a weak immune system is not a good combo. Damn. Just….. damn.

What a wreck. *sigh* Where’s my sunshine? …..

Well! My tooth/gums were KILLING me after we had pizza last night. Yea, yea. Foolish choice again on my part. I was not sleepy last night, so I decided to stay up. Brad stayed up way late too, but had to get to bed so he could get up and go to church.

…. I stayed up all night! I haven’t done that in FOREVER. I was having a BLAST listening to music, tagging my tumblr pictures, fiddling with my new tumblr layout, and just enjoying hours of doing nothing but WHAT I WANTED TO DO. Time went by soooo fast! It was 3:00AM, then 4:00AM. I eventually got a little hungry, so had some warm almond milk and a piece of toast. I wasn’t really that sleepy, but I was losing brain power, lol. I finally pulled myself away from the computer at 5:20AM and went to sleep until Brad woke me up at 8AM when he got up to get ready for church. I was afraid I’d wake up and feel DEAD, but nope!!! I haven’t taken one nap today and still haven’t been that tired. It HAS to be all the vitamins and goodies I’m taking aiding me along or else I would have felt dead today.

Brad went to church, Katie played, and I fiddled online. Katie LOVES her new little table and chairs. She spent a good part of the morning putting her dolls in the chairs and chatting away. Haha. It’s always so interesting to listen to her conversations. Ummm… Brad came home at almost noon and I let Katie stay up a bit longer today before nap, since we got up a little later this morning than our usual. Watched latest Biggest Loser, and tonight we watched Fringe’s episode from 2 weeks ago. Still have one eppy to catch up on, plus ONE TREE HILL.

Ooooh, had some good eats today. Too bad I can’t really taste. Breakfast was a yummy english muffin with peanut butter. Lunch was a mix-up of: sausage, tuna, scrambled egg, sauteed onion, spinach, peas, little light mayo, and mustard with a piece of toast on the side. Later I had naners and then eventually a PROTEIN shake! Dinner was an all-natural hamburger with green beans and a GIGANTIC apple for dessert.

Now I am TOTALLY ready for bed. ZzZzz.. and a back rub would be loooooovely! We might get some storms tonight into the morning, eek! Goodnight. I’m thankful.