I am so frustrated, angry, and just ready to explode. *sigh* It’s a mix of everything.

Anyway. Katie’s getting sick, AGAIN. We need to get her to a Doc as soon as we can, since she is starting to cough pretty bad again. She’s acting ok but her nose is runny and the cough. We stayed up late late last night watched Insidious and heard Katie randomly coughing, so before we went to bed (around 2AM), I gave her some water and meds then Brad covered her back up. We slept late this morning then around 1PM I walked over to my Moms. I have a crosswalk I have to pass through and today while I was WALKING ON THE CROSSWALK, a car FLEW behind me!!!!!! WTF! I didn’t even see them COMING and would have never known what hit me if they had hit me. Sheesh people! Apparently they didn’t see a person walking on the crosswalk AND THE FACT THAT THE LIGHT WAS RED! >_< !!! I hung out and talked to Mom for a few hours, but the cigarette smoke was really, really getting to me. My Aunt also came over to talk and they were both puffing away and I could barely take it. I like hanging out with them, but I HATE THE CIGARETTE SMOKE so much. Ugh... =( I eventually walked back home and we put up our tree this evening! Last year I didn't decorate or put up a tree because I was NOT in the festive mood and my health was HORRID this time last year. Pulling out the decorations that I haven't seen since Dec 2009 really pulled at my heart =( ... for instance, the last time I hung up the penguin door cover was in 2009..... when we lived at our BEAUTIFUL 2-story apartment, I was losing weight. I could seriously CRYYYYYYYYYYY remembering back then. I WANT IT BACK. I WANT IT BACK. I WANT IT BACK. I dunno anymore. I need a time machine, plz. I could get this health situation under control If I had the money to pay for a specialized Doc. We don't. I'm left to try to handle this on my own. I'm gonna try, but my willpower is SO WEAK now. There are so many things in my life that I wish were different. I just want my life back. *siiiigh......* I'm gonna keep trying to take control of my diet. I keep failing. I'll KEEP TRYING. I keep TRYING to hold onto hope... to be positive. It's so hard now. The hardest. I guess 2009 was SUCH A GREAT YEAR to prepare me for the piece of shi* that 2010 and 2011 has been. I don't want 2012 to be another bad year plz... =( I want my JOY BAAAAAAACK. I want to EXERCISE, lose weight, feel spiritual and just be able to function normally. Basically, my immune system is attacking my thyroid for some reason and UNTIL I FIX THAT REASON, it won't get better. I'll still have these symptoms and eating certain things makes it worse!!!!!! but I still eat them. Ya, I'm real smart right?! I know right?! I'm just.......... blaaaaaaaaaargh! sdlfjklasjfklajsdl; "There is nothing left of you...... I can see it in your eyes......"